Banana Republic

Some years ago, Italy, under Silvio Berlusconi's "government" , was internationally admitted to the prestigious list of Banana Republics of the world. A well-deserved recognition for the work of a man who was selling his country in the name of money.

• The Economist called him a "crass buffoon" and "a man of very questionable integrity."
• He embodies "nepotism, corruption, and dishonesty," said the Danish newspaper Information.
• The Swedish daily Aftonbladet dismissed him as "an arrogant clown."
• The German newspaper Berliner Zeitung wrote that he was "a shady deal maker,"
• France's Libération concluded that he was a "threat to liberal democracy,"
• The Financial Times argued that "he lives in a media bubble where his public gaffes and gratuitous insults go largely unreported at home—at least until he goes abroad."
• A blogger said "That stupid dwarf is selling our country, making his own laws, acting as if the constitution is a catalogue of options...

At the beginning of 2007, the list of Absurdistan Countries of the world was the following:

• Honduras, thanks to the domination of the export sector by the United Fruit and Standard Fruit companies;
• Pakistan, thanks to declaration of President Musharraf: "I can assure you that nothing will happen in Pakistan. We are not a banana republic.";
• Italy, thanks to many people who contributed to reach an astonishingly high level of confusion in a organised and democratic country.

We were proud of ourselves. Our tremendous political leader had given our country the possibility to get this international recognition in just a few months' work!

Today Sarkozy, evidently jealous of the title Italy had been given, has raised his own country to this international recognition too. He firstly shortlisted first-class people to help him undergo this moment of glory. Through long analysis, a few praise-worth people where chosen.

In 2007:

• Segolene Royal (who faced Sarkozy in a wonderful tv match, but lost her temper during the highly-watched duel)
• Francois Fillon (coming straight from the Adam's Family movie, with his pale face and dark eyes)
• Dominique de Villepin (and the ignominious Clearstream affair)

In 2008, not happy with the result, Sarkozy decided to hire an expert of the Banana's sector. And, after deep reflection, got the idea of looking for an ally in the country he was just trying to follow: Italy. This is how the former italian supermodel Carla Bruni got on a plane to the Elisée and married Little Sarkozy.

Following a well scheduled plan, she made the following actions, in order to achieve the beloved result:

• Publicly criticise France and French just before marring their President: "I like to be Italian. I like the Italian temperament and I like Italian food. French people are in a bad mood for some reason, and Italian people are in a good mood. French people are always negative. They also are crazy about their own language, so every time there's something that's not in French, they get so mad about it."
• Get naked. Sensational pictures of Nicolas Sarkozy's reported wife Carla Bruni posing naked have left the French President red-faced after being posted on the Internet.

To complete the cake, Sarkozy had a heated exchange with fishermen during protests against rising fuel costs. And he traded insults with a man who refused to shake his hand at France's huge annual agricultural show.

French couldn't ask for more. Their president was performing very well.

And now France, thanks to President Sarkozy, can be awarded with the famous "Absurdistan Prize".

But, let me say, far behind Italy that, with the presence of people like Umberto Bossi (Leader of the Padanian Paranoiac Separatist Movement), Alessandra Mussolini (Fascist just like that well-known Benito), Vittorio Sgarbi (Founder of the incredible Party of Beauty), had reached levels no on else could reach in a Democratic Republic.

France, just a runner-up then. Once again...